Dear Cat Diary: Today I feel… Fed Up
The biggest box I have ever laid eyes on has arrived. My human lugged it into hall, and my brother Felix and I began to investigate immediately. I jumped on top of it with ease, but I won’t lie to you, diary: I only made it look easy; this was one big box! If only my human would open it, so I could sit inside. I may have put on a pound or two (if anyone asks, it’s just my winter coat), but I’m fairly certain I will fit.
In other news, my human disappoints me time and time again: All I want is a clean place to do my business. Instead, I’m dealing with my old business. Do you catch my drift, diary? There are tootsie rolls everywhere. Not to mention the other stuff, which clumps up and somehow smells even worse than the tootsie rolls. Especially when it belongs to Felix.
If the human doesn’t take care of this, I’m going to start doing my business elsewhere. Maybe on that fancy rug in the living room… He certainly makes a fuss when I use it to sharpen my claws. Yes, this is starting to sound like a good plan…
Dear Cat Diary: Today I feel… Baffled
My human has opened the box. Inside of it was an especially strange object that he placed in Felix and my room.
What is this contraption? A spaceship made for my kind? A vast alien cyclops? A gaping maw? The human calls it a “robot,” but I don’t know why—
Holy meow! The spaceship just started moving by itself. Lights, noise! Perhaps it is readying for takeoff?
I’m so out of here. I think I’ll go sit in my giant new cardboard box for comfort.
Dear Cat Diary: Today I feel… Intrigued
In a moment of rash decision-making, I was compelled to venture near the spaceship. It hasn’t moved or emitted lights or sounds since that first time, that I know of. Maybe it is luring me into its trap?
Yet what I found was completely unexpected: Its shadowy chamber smelled like… me. And whiffs of my brother. There was litter inside, and it seemed as if Felix and I had already used it! Even though I don’t understand, I’m curious.
But you know what they say about curiosity and cats. Best I keep my distance.
Dear Cat Diary: Today I feel… Satiated
In what I can only assume is another attempt to ensnare me, I found treats placed around the spaceship. It is no match for me, though—I gobbled them up so quick, not even Felix had the opportunity to nibble. I reckon I did him a favor, though.
The old litter box is filthy. If I wasn’t so pleased with my midday snack, I would have stern words with the human.
Update: Felix has submitted to the spaceship. So long, fallen brother.
Dear Cat Diary: Today I feel… Awed
I am amazed by this spaceship. I could’ve sworn Felix used it to do his business not ten minutes ago, yet when I went to investigate, the inside was clean. There were no traces of Felix’s usual stench, nor the general bouquet of pungency that lingers in the air after one of us goes.
What kind of sorcery is this? It is certainly enticing…
Dear Cat Diary: Today I feel… Reckless
I cannot take it anymore. I’m going to use the spaceship. So help me Bastet, if it kidnaps me—
Update: I can’t believe it. Nothing has happened—nothing except my doing my business in peace and cleanliness, that is. It was so simple, so satisfying. There must be a catch.
I will have to use it many more times… for investigative purposes, of course.
Dear Cat Diary: Today I feel… Transported
The spaceship took me to a faraway land, where the entire world was one big litter box. I saw many of my ancient brethren frolicking in the sand, basking under the sun, receiving their due reverence among the great triangles that rose from the ground. I felt mighty and proud, as though I could command an entire city to devote itself to me, and no one would flinch.
Oh wait… That was a dream.
At least I have a clean litter box.