How To Tell If Your Cat Is Trying To Kill You
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How To Tell If Your Cat Is Trying To Kill You

Est. read time: 4 min.

It may not happen often, but there have been reported cases of cat owners being assassinated by their own cats. Though this may sound ridiculous, cats are actually the perfect assassins, with their ninja-like agility, their imperceptible stealth, their razor sharp claws and teeth, and their penchant for settling the score. Here are a few ways to tell if your cat is trying to kill you.

Your Cat Hides In Dark Places To Watch You

Incorporating the stealth and prey stalking that runs deep in their animal instincts, house cats are always watching you. This shouldn’t come as any great surprise, because normally you see them watching. When you should be truly alarmed is when you don’t see your cat, or you happen across it while it’s tucked away in a dark, secluded area, just waiting and watching. You have nothing to fear when your cat is hiding in plain sight, but it’s when it reverts to the darkness that you want to keep your wits about you.

Your Cat Excessively Shovels Kitty Litter

Have you noticed your cat excessively shoveling kitty litter? As in, shoveling well beyond the necessity of covering up its waste? Can you almost see a fury in this shoveling? A passion that seems insatiable? Be wary, for your cat’s passion and fury are not insatiable at all, but it just may be you who is the target, the goal, the end to which your cat will go through any means necessary to achieve. If you’ve seen your cat practicing this behavior, be very careful.

Your Cat Continues To Start Staring Contests

Though it may seem like nothing more than a playful game, your cat starting staring contests with you on a regular basis is its way of testing your strength and resolve. Your cat wants to know exactly what it’s up against, and how hard it will be to fell you like a tall tree when the time comes. The most important thing to do when your cat initiates one of these staring contests is to never cave, persevere as long as possible and you just may live to see another day. Fall victim to an itchy or dry eye, blink or avert your gaze and your cat will know it has the upper paw, and it won’t be long before it acts on this knowledge.


Your Cat Brings You Dead Animals

You may have been told that being brought a dead animal by your cat is a sign of respect or subservience, and that’s exactly what your cat wants you to think. In reality, though, what your cat is telling your is, “I’ve exterminated this mouse, and then that bird, and also this opossum, and soon there will be nothing standing between you and me, and then I will take my final prey, my grand trophy.” The safest thing to do when presented with a dead animal by your cat is to ignore it, act as if you’re not at all impressed, and hope that your cat can still identify a glimmer of dominance in you.


Your Cat Sprinting Away In A Failed Ambush

If you happen to turn a corner or double back into the kitchen for a forgotten addition to your meal and you see your cat hitting the breaks and aborting an ambush, you should consider yourself incredibly lucky. Timing is everything in these types of situations, and you can only get lucky so many times before your luck runs out and it’s meal time, but not yours. Stay ever vigilant and defiant, and you just might have a chance of making it out of this alive. Good luck to you. You’re going to need it.